Ringtones for your canine companions...and ONLY your canine companions

I have been pretty lax with posting recently, but I just had to post this article I found on CrunchGear. It is ridiculous. This is taken from the website.

"Tokyo-based interactive content provider Dwango announced today [JP, PDF] the start of a download service of a very special kind. Now Japanese cell phone owners are able to get ringtones that are only audible to dogs.

The service is dubbed Inu ni shika kikoenai chakushinon (ringtones only dogs can hear). Dwango says their idea is absolutely groundbreaking. Downloads are free for subscribers of the dwango.jp tori houdai (download flatrate) service, which is only available on DoCoMo’s proprietary mobile web system imode."

Wow, can you even imagine the possibilities with this cellphone? No really. Can you imagine it? I'm drawing a blank here and I love our canine compatriots. I can only imagine it being used as a device to control dogs everywhere. Seriously, folks, this is simply a technology that is the precursor to our destruction. Damn it, Japan. I'm not ready for the Apocalypse. Wall-E isn't even out in theatres yet!

"Hope on a Rope"

"This is from my friend Taku, who was telling us about the Jesus soap he has. I assume the writing can befound on the package. Bizzareness aside, isn't it kinda blasphemous to be rubbing a graven image of the Lord all over your body?"-Stephie-baachan

"wash away your sins with it!only good clean living will get you to heaven so lather up and cleanse your body and soul. holy rose water fragrance,delicious!" - Packaging

The Office Japanese Style!

I don't watch SNL. However, Steve Carell hosted this past weekend which makes for an awesome show OBVIOUSLY. Well, I found the show to be thoroughly entertaining because Steve Carell is a master of improv. However, what really stood out on Saturday Night was the sketch with the Japanese Office. Hosted by Richard Gervais, it is a pretty hysterical look at the ORIGINAL INSPIRATION for the Office...



This was from when Rainn Wilson (Dwight) hosted the show. The Office parody is funny, but not as ridiculous as the Japanese Office.

Pizza Hut Japan-Style!

I have no idea why I decided to get on a food kick. Not a normal food kick either. In this post, I became fascinated with corporate advertising. Although we're all familiar with advertising in our American shows (30 Rock and Arrested Development came to mind). I've never seen it in an American cartoon. Well, that's not true. I must have. This is AMERICAN television, after all. I just cannot think of any major example. After all, we create televisions based upon toy lines (transformers and GI Joe, for instance). However, I noticed this in Japanese animation too!


"Darker than Black" offers a simple example of in-show advertising. In this case, animators drew in Pizza Hut restaurants into a background. It doesn't interrupt any plot or contribute to any character development.

Now, we get to "Code Geass." Notice that Pizza Hut box next to green haired anime girl in a boy's uniform? Well, the pizza actually contributes to her character/personality! She's like 500 years old and first defined by her addiction to Pizza Hut pizza. Not convinced?

They even bothered to show scenes of her accumulating points on an application card! What is Cheese-kun though?
That is Cheese-kun! He is a giant piece of mozzarella specifically designed for Japanese advertising. Pizza Hut in Japan made me start Google searching.

Danny Choo's blog offered a very interesting investigation into Pizza Hut's presence in Japan. I borrowed some images from him to showcase how different the Pizza Hut experience is in Nippon!

It is important to first remember that Japanese people live in neighborhoods that are pretty packed together. The primary vehicles for delivering pizzas lies in these Vespas. These are also depicted in "Code Geass" as well.


According to Danny Choo, this pizza's "crust is filled with prawns and mayonnaise and the main body can be filled with whatever you want. A large one for 3,550 yen (31 USD)."

I'd recommend looking at this pizza menu by clicking on the image to zoom in. It's pretty extraordinary. Pretty interesting...

Crying Sumo Baby Contest = The Future?

"An annual "crying sumo" contest for babies, in which pairs of infants are brought together to see who can cry the first or the loudest, was held at Tokyo's Sensoji Temple on Sunday."

Hoo boy. Where do I begin. Alright, basically this is a contest to determine which baby can scream/cry the loudest. Sumo wrestlers hold up babies and attempt to scare them into oblivion. The winning baby...wins....I have no idea. Honestly, I have no idea. I can't help, but compare this story to another award-winning tale called "Monsters Inc."

I'm willing to guess that these sumo wrestlers are not using the fear of children to power the cities of Japan. Then again, Japan is pretty bizarre. If someone told me that Tokyo Tower needed to be powered by the cries of children, I wouldn't be that surprised. Japan has always been on the forefront when it comes to modern-day tech. It would only be a matter of time before it would hit the American Shores in the guise of some sort of "Wii" game. Excuse me, gentlemen, welcome to "WII TEARS!"

Original Article here. Like many other Japanese events, this is done to promote good health. Good grief, thanks for being so original. You have all these wacky festivals, but they always promote the same damn thing. Good Health. Bah.

Stephie-baachan's Corner: Japanese English Textbooks

Yesterday I was sitting at my desk flipping through one of my Japanese-government-approved English class textbooks as I was talking to my co-conspirator and brother in arms, Guillermo-san. Now, you will remember that I am currently residing in The Land of the Rising Sun working as an ALT (Sidenote: I will now reveal to you, the chosen few, the true meaning of this acronym: "Assassins Limited". The whole "Assistant Language Teacher" thing is a cover). Since I AM undercover, though, I have to put up a good front, which means that my desk has a nicely diversified collection of English textbooks, dictionaries, teaching guides and whatnot.

But anyways, like I said, I was flipping through a textbook. Now, I have noticed this from a long time ago, and indeed one of the topics we ALTs like to complain the most about is the state of English language education in Japan (seriously, the problems are endless, we NEVER get tired of it). Textbooks are a happy example. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are word-for-word excerpts from some of the books (gotta make sure to cite my sources!):

"We are all high school students. We are on a large ship. The ship sails around the world. We speak different languages. We come from different cultures. We are all different in many ways, but it is OK. We all have the same passport--love and friendship. We also have the same ticket--English. Together, let's use them and make new friends. Come on! Let's go! All aboard!"
(All Aboard English 1 High School English textbook, Lesson 1, pages 10-11)

And another gem:

"This flower is beautiful. That flower is also beautiful. They don't compete with each other. Each flower grows and blooms beautifully. Each is alive and proud. So why do we compete? We too are flowers. Each is unique. Big flowers. Little flowers. We are all different. You're not No. 1? That's all right. Each of us is only one. So let's grow and bloom."
(Captain English 1 High School textbook, Lesson 1, pages 10-11)

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.

Now, the first one is meh. Incredibly corny, but relatively harmless. The second, however, is painful. It's apparently a translation of a song by SMAP, the popular Japanese boy-band (man-band? All the members are over 30). That brings me to another massive problem with the textbooks. They're amazingly outdated. Many feature inserts with lyrics to songs by the Carpenters (I Need to be in Love, 1976), Olivia Newton-John (Have You Never Been Mellow, 1975), The Beatles (Hey Jude, 1968), and John Lennon (Imagine (1971), which is the defacto national anthem of Japan). I understand that many of these songs are slow and therefore robably easy to understand for ESL students, and I'm not saying that I expect to see Lil' John lyrics (SKEET SKEET SKEET!!!) appearing in the books any time soon, but since they print new books every year (no hardcovers in this education system, everything is paperback because the kids keep the books) can't we at least keep the gap down to LESS THAN 10 YEARS AGO?? I don't think that's much to ask. They also have script samples from movies like Back to the Future (1985), ET (1982) and Titanic (1997). I do applaud them for featuring important figures in history, like MLK Jr and Mother Teresa, but they also constantly have people like Charlie Chaplin. No offense to our old boy Chuck, but come on. They also have some of the most pointlessly ridiculous chapter topics I've ever seen. Like sea otters (no joke). And while I think that learning about kids who were affected by war in Cambodia is important as an anti-war message, I don't think high-school ESL class is the proper vehicle for that. I have a problem with the fact that the students learn the word "land mine" before they learn the present progressive (ex. It is raining.)

Well kids, that's it for today's segment. I hope you enjoyed my ran-- I mean, informational short. As for me, I'm gonna try to not strangle the next textbook vendor that comes into my office. It's not THEIR fault their books are shit.

More Penis Festivals in Japan!

Remember the old posts I put up about penis festivals? Well, there are even more pictures of these festivals! Reuters and Destructoid talk about phalluses being marched down streets of Japan during a festival called the Kanamara Festival. According to Reuters, the Kanamara festival is actually over a hundred years old and was originally done to prevent Japanese women from getting syphilis. That's right. SYPHILIS. The festival is also held to protect people from AIDs. There were approximately 30,000 people at this event to boot. Man, I wish I could go celebrate my name!

This is the wikipedia entry:

"The Kanamara Matsuri is centered around a local penis-venerating shrine, once popular among prostitutes who wished to pray for protection against sexually transmitted diseases. It is said that there are divine protections also in business prosperity and the clan's prosperity, easy delivery, marriage, and married couple harmony, etc. Today, the festival is used to raise money for HIV research. There's also a legend of a demon that hid inside a young girl and castrated two young men on their wedding nights before a blacksmith fashioned an iron phallus that was used to break the demon's teeth, leading to the enshrinement of the item."

Original articles from Destructoid and Reuters.

A Look at Great Flash Games Part II

As promised, I will continue my look at great Flash Titles. We will be covering just one title today.


Nanaca Crash is a really simple game. However, it is also mildly addictive...

See our lone, effeminate looking male student? Well, he's supposed to be some damn playboy. I don't know anything else about the story (it is in Japanese after all). Either way, we're not playing this game for the plot. Thankfully, the English is there for the parts that matter. See that 1/4 of a circle with the arrow? Well, press down on the left mouse buttom and release at the preferred angle. What happens?


Well, your protagonist gets knocked into the air. The goal is to keep this character in the air. Along the way, he risks flying into targets on the ground. These range from other male students, shy girls that will stop you dead in your tracks, or vicious girls that will knock you higher in the air. Oddly enough, you really want the vicious ones to knock you up (not like that!).

See? You're flying!
Ah! Someone knocks you up!

Awww. You're stopped. Play the game here!

Stephie-baachan's Corner: Hanami

Hey guys. Wangstation was kind enough to add me as a guest writer on this here blog, so this is the first of (hopefully) many entries by yours truly. Since I'm in Japan and all, I figure I should take advantage and share my experiences with everyone. That being said, gather 'round and listen to Stephie-baachan's story about one of Japan's most revered spring-time customs: cherry-blossom viewing.

Spring. New beginnings. In what will be the first of many examples I will use of Japan taking things from other countries and making them better (i.e. Japanese), Japan has adopted the Western calendar but set April as the first month of the year, to coincide with spring. That's right, folks. In Japan, the "year" goes from April to March. Anywho, this means that schools and companies start anew right about now, which is why anyone who's ever watched a school-themed anime has seen the kids running around under cherry trees in full bloom.

Schoolkids aren't the only ones who enjoy watching the blossoms, though. The big kids enjoy the blossoms too, along with copious amounts of food and alcohol. This, my friends, is the basis for hanami, one of Japan's best examples of legal public drunkenness. Of course, you can enjoy hanami with your family or friends, but who needs those when you have co-workers? Now, hanami parties are an offshoot of Japanese "enkais" (I'll discuss those another time). Essentially Japanese companies dish out cash to have their workers set up camp under the blossoms and eat and drink the night away. How AWESOME is this? It's not all fun and games though. Cherries only bloom for a grand total of maybe 3-5 days, and Japan's obsession with "the transcience of life and impermanence of all things (UNCLE CHARLES!)" means that the cherry blossom hot spots fill up fast. Every year big companies actually appoint someone to become the Official Tree Holder who, on the day of the party, will leave work early to go and save a prime spot under the trees, and woe betide the man or woman who cannot protect a good spot. Anyways, all the co-workers gather, spread tarps on the grass, and break out bento boxes of food and cans of beer, and proceed to get ragingly, wonderfully drunk, toasting everything from each individual petal on the tree to the really short skirts the cute office ladies wear.

Anyway, this post has gone on long enough. I hope it was enough to introduce you to one of Japan's most endearing cultural activities. Maybe you'll be inspired to find a blooming cherry tree of your own to party under. Just don't come complaining to me if you get arrested for streaking while wearing a nothing but a cherry blossom crown.

A Look at Great Flash Games

Today, Dave and I spent some time showcasing our favorite ventures in Flash Games. Over this week, I will showcase a few games that truly captured my heart and brought tears of joy to me. Well, they also carry a huge "WHAT THE FUCK?" factor. Unsurprisingly, these games are JAPANESE, but are almost all translated in English for your own pleasure. I hope after reading my post, you give these games a shot.


Rose and Camelia

Story Description from the Game Website:

"Newly wed to Shunsuke, eldest son of the historied Tsubakikoji family, Reiko suffers the loss of her husband the very next day. Under the cruel and unceasing mockery of the aristocrats, Reiko's common-born blood sets to boil. Clutching the rose Shunsuke gave her to her bosom, Reiko issues a defiant challenge to the house. "I am the widow of the eldest son of the Tsubakikoji family. This house is mine!" ...This is the elegant art of feminine conflict."


So, you settle your differences with the women in this household through vicious slapping duels. I swear to god when I say that this game is pure gold. You use the mouse to slap your opponents into submission with very dramatic, Victorian Inspired Music. This cannot even fall under some sort of weird sexual fetish type of game because the atmosphere of the title is just completely over the top. PLEASE. It can be found here.


Makibishi Comic


Makibishi Comic was found randomly. Alright, people. This is the MOST beautiful FLASH game I have ever played. Words cannot describe how amazingly crafted this game is in the visual department. It also has its own branch of humor. Basically, there are some NINJAs who decide to hide from you and you have to solve puzzles (adventure game style) to find them. Although the investigation may seem random at times, it also carries a significant amount of adventure game logic which is always a plus for me. When the factory in the game entails a headphones wearing baby with a gas mask pooping out various minions, I find it hard to not crack up hysterically. The visuals alone make this at least worth trying to play.


This game is actually not lewd or anything and this is as bad as it can get. Otherwise, you find keys in a T-Rex's mouth or summon boars to take down ape gangs. Seriously, not kidding. Find it here.

A Funny Japanese Commercial

First off, I want to thank everyone for their comments about the film. It was a fun project to work on (except the rendering section which was a bitch). Aside from technical missteps, I'm generally satisfied with the final product. A couple facts for the road though.

1) There is no EPISODE 2 coming. This was a creative impulse and I don't believe in sequels. Spin-Offs and Alternative Universes are possible though. I already thought of a John Tat Peep Spin-Off feature a Farm full of Different Colored Peeps.
2) Three characters had chopped off body parts that were either replaced with an object or just left alone. Try to guess!
3) I still don't understand Adobe Premiere, but I have sort of figured out the basics for now.
4) This actually was fun to work on because I got to incorporate my love for video games and other geek-related media into a project that will probably be timeless. Remember all those damn "OMG. They killed Kenny" jokes? Not here, thankfully. Oh, I love finding and mixing music with different scenes!
5) Wang Films is not BACK necessarily. I like to work mysteriously. Like the Wind on a Cool Autumn Day....or a Cool Winter Day...or any of those damn seasons.

And what you were actually waiting for, a hilarious Japanese Commercial:

Crazy Japanese Hairdryers

For the suicidal types, I offer you the opportunity to toy around with the concept with the WESTERN Dryer. This is not a mock up.


First off, Japan, there is no record of women in the Old West ever using a gun to blow dry their hair. Perhaps, the women in the frontier days may have wanted to commit suicide due to inadequate rights and just down-right despicable machismo in the West. This COULD be true. However, this does not make this MODERN day device less weird.

For the settings, you actually cock the gun back before you start drying your hair. For the record, I am surprised at how functional these hair dryers. Back in the day, I was only familiar with High, Low, and maybe a Medium if we were lucky. Oh shit, that's what the numbers mean here too. Oh well.

Japan, you so crazy awesome. Let me be more gramatically incorrect with you just because I love your craziness.

For more information, go to this purchases website.

Pika-gina? Oh, Happy Birthday to Davey Boy.

I found this on Japanator who I am pretty damn sure took it from someone else. Anyway, images such as this remind me of childhood innocence. Prior to proper sexual education in the 4th grade, we would all dive into the "vaginas" of our favorite childhood characters without any hesitation. Now we are all so damn concerned with STDs and moral laws of conduct that we forget about FREEDOM. The freedom to dive into any "pika-gina" we want.

On a side note, Pikachu looks GODDAMN pleased with himself. There is no confusing the excitement on Pikachu's face. Although you can't see his tail, I think you imagine its position.

Alright, spoiler alert. It's pointing up. REALLY HIGH UP.

Oh, Happy Birthday Dave! This is the gift of life.

The Uncanny Valley gets Creepier

Seriously, this little cg creation by some Japanese computer engineers really looks like a Japanese woman. For the records, she is ALL CG. However, there were times when her eye movement looks distinctively human. What tips the human eye off thought is her unnatural smile at times. Also, as a Japanese person, she would never look you directly in the face and apologize constantly (kidding kidding!). Click here or click the picture to see the face in ACTION.

Japanese Ambassador - Doraemon!

Recently, Doraemon (a popular Japanese anime character) recieved his official assignment letter from Foreign Minister Masahiko Komura. The character will appear in films to be shown in Japanese missions overseas, talking about the country's lifestyle and customs.

"By appointing Doraemon, we hope people in other countries will understand Japanese anime better and deepen their interest in Japanese culture," said Yuko Hotta, a foreign ministry official.

Wow. Cool. I would have voted for Astro Boy though. Guess, we know Japan's stance on used half-naked Japanese robot boys as Government symbols.

Japan loves the Chocolate Penis

I got an e-mail from Steph with some pictures. Needless to say, I found the above picture to be the best. She begins to discuss this picture by mentioning that "...my favorite concession stand food was the artfully shaped chocolate-covered banana. They cut off one tip, then attached it to the other tip with a toothpick before dipping it. Unfortunately they ran out of the penis-shaped lollipops."

According to Stephanie, there is a festival on March 15th that glorifies fertility. Every year, they choose a well-known carver to take a whole tree and transform it into a giant majestic oak of a penis. Needless to say, I am in awe.

Stephanie describes it best by noting that "this was the best Japanese festival I've ever been to." I am inclined to agree. Japan. Wait for me! Don't stop being crazy!

Speaking of which, Steph also mentioned that the Vagina festival was before that. After noting that the festival was actually less exciting, I sort of came to a realization that the penis is just much more expressive than a Vagina. Vaginas are sort of there and stare at you. Like Princess Peach in Bowser's Castle, she sits there saying "woe is me" and doesn't get out much. Perhaps, it could be more expressive with the PR firms. However, penises have been glorified enough in the media that they can practically look at the camera and flash a Tom Cruise-level (minus the weirdness of Scientology). Vaginas just don't look that great on paper or as something to iconify (I made up a word, what are you going to do about it? Nothing. That's what I'm talking about). Now, Penises are the Hollywood Equivalent of Will Smith at the Box Office when it comes to the audience recognizing and smiling about some sexual organ.

Obama-Town

Instead of studying, I decided to peruse some blogs. Low and behold, I came across some old articles about Barack Obama. I know, it sounds boring. How about the town of Obama? Alright, you are probably thinking that there is practically a city named after everyone in the States. How about if this city was Japan? So? More interesting. Well, this city also loves Obama like he is practically a representative of the small fishing town.


"As the race for the nomination heated up, the town's tourism office received a stream of calls from locals wishing Obama well. On Super Tuesday, supporters nervously clutched photos of Obama as they watched the results come in at their makeshift headquarters in a hotel, whose lobby is currently home to a large portrait of the candidate."

"Obama's most ardent fans, who include a hotel executive and a couple of farmers, believe their campaign, like that of their hero, is gathering momentum. With his name recognition at an all-time high, they plan to produce hachimaki "victory" headbands - a common campaign accoutrement in Japan - themed lacquerware chopsticks, and manju sweet buns bearing his name and face."

The mayor, Murakami, also noted that Barack Obama's birthday, August 4, happens to be "Chopsticks Day" in the city.

Article and Quotes from the Guardian
Pictures from Google News