Wednesday, April 30, 2008
1- First off, why would Superman ever need a car with his insignia? He can run faster than a locomotive and fly faster than a speeding bullet. Is he that lazy? Apparently, money doesn't only corrupt, it also makes superheroes LAZY.
2- Clearly, Superman decided to go with "Pimp Purple." Along with the top hat and cane, I have to ask. Where the hell are Superman's "hos"?
3- The hobo half of the cover confirms a couple things:
a- Superman wears white socks under his red boots
b- Superman doesn't have "super-socks." The giant hole on the cover is just embarrassing.
Shame on you, Superman. Not only that, they clearly have not been washed. You're sitting on a SOAPBOX and boiling WATER. What an idiot!
c- Just so people don't get confused about his new status, he converted his outhouse into a shack and even engraved "Superman's Shack" into the top banner. Wow.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I decided to finally review this film. C'mon, look at the poster! It's about Zombie Strippers! I don't think I even have to supply a real summary for this film. Do you really want it? Nope. Alright, maybe a small summary.
Basically, in the future, a secret government re-animation project is underway in Nebraska. Designed to be used by America (ruled by Bush), it is designed to turn American soldiers into non-stop killing machines. Oooo...politics! Anyway, it lands in an underground strip club and starts infecting the strippers ala ZOMBIE STRIPPERS.
Don't let the simple premise fool you though. "Zombie Strippers" is actually a carefully crafted criticism of human nature. Granted, every zombie film is a wonderful dissertation about the human psyche and its role in society, but this film pushes it further by using the stripper plot as the primary means of analysis.
When the head female zombie gets bit for the first time (Jenna Jameson in a surprisingly decent acting role), she retains her humanity and intelligence. Oh! I forgot to mention that the zombie virus only makes males dumb. We'll touch upon this later. Anyway, Jenna Jameson's zombie form actually makes her stripping EVEN BETTER. As a result, people are not grossed out by her, but aroused by her performance on the dance floor. Ladies, remember this! Zombie viruses will make you better strippers!
The kicker here though is that all the other strippers become jealous. At first, they are disgusted by the zombie stripping. However, the regular strippers start getting smaller crowds and don't get nearly as many male genitalia aroused as the zombie strippers. As a result, all the strippers become zombies of their OWN FREE WILL. In order to conform to what American strip club aficionados want, they are forced to sacrifice their own value system to keep a living. However, these strippers are not fighting for the dance floor because of any mere financial situation. In the end, it also becomes a matter of honor. Apparently, there is great honor in stripping magnificently for the crowd. Perhaps, honor is not the word. A better word to apply to this situation is "admiration." They thrive on the attention of these men and their many "wads" of dollar bills. Color me impressed. There are even comments about race relations in America which are embodied through the character of Paco. He is a humble janitor that is forced to clean up all the zombie messes. However, in the end, Paco was the bravest of all the Americans in the film as he charged head on with his Donkey, traditional Mexican garb, and his individually named bullets (Guacamole is the only name I remember). For the immigrant that works the hardest to find his place in America, he manages to be less cowardly than the typical American in this tale.
What is real underlying criticism? In the final scene of the film, the terrorist who launched the virus chooses to tell the heroes that Americans are the "Walking Dead." Have American citizens sacrificed their own individuality in order to conform to what society expect of them? Do we choose to not be nearly as expressive or creative in our every day lives in fear of accidentally humbling a superior or a social group? Do we just want acceptance rather than growth in character?
"Zombie Strippers" may be the most philosophical and ethically challenging film of the year.
What is ironic is that "Zombie Strippers" is clearly catering to a crowd by offering what horror fans wants (blood and tits, to put it crudely). Would I recommend this film? I can't think of any film that have ever used zombie strippers to teach a lesson like this. My Tufts Philosophy professor would be proud.
Rating- C for the Film, A- for Zombie Fans, A++ for Philosophy Majors
Monday, April 28, 2008
Okay, you're not crazy. That is a girl with a machine gun replacing her left arm. Remember how people went crazy over Cherry Darling in Grindhouse? Well, I think fans will go even crazier for this film. This is a GRINDHOUSE-type film, but with a slightly higher budget. The plot looks great too.
Plot (from IMDB):
The life of a young, Japanese schoolgirl is destroyed when her family is killed by a Ninja-Yakuza family. Her hand cut off, she replaces it with various machines-of-death, and seeks revenge. Opens in Japan in 2008.
Alright, that's it. I don't think the plot could get any better than that. Not only do we get Ninjas, we get NINJA-YAKUZAS.
Look, I just can't see why this film CAN'T be awesome. I really can't. It's just impossible.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
I have no idea what to even say about this comic book. According to the forums at Scans Daily, the author (Jim Shooter) based this brief story on his own experience at the YMCA. It's sort of a public service announcement in a way...? Oh, who else would have been freaked if the Hulk came out?
Friday, April 25, 2008
He's an old character from the old Marvel Comics days! Not only that, he is a superhero! Along with Moon Boy (the first ape/human), they fight evil! Granted, I've always somewhat knew about Devil Dinosaur, but I never thought he had roots like this. Blogger, Gorilla Daze, blogged about this and even gives an issue analysis on this short run. Not only is this a real series, but it was created by Jack Kirby. This is the man who gave us the Fantastic Four, the New God, and other lasting works. The blog can be found here.
Oh yeah, I also decided to end this brief entry with a clip from the Critic which is sort of like the Devil Dinosaur picture above. Maybe I'll write a post about Nextwave which is the Gurren Lagann of comic books. If that doesn't mean anything, it basically means the GOOD Michael By films of films.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
But anyways, like I said, I was flipping through a textbook. Now, I have noticed this from a long time ago, and indeed one of the topics we ALTs like to complain the most about is the state of English language education in Japan (seriously, the problems are endless, we NEVER get tired of it). Textbooks are a happy example. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are word-for-word excerpts from some of the books (gotta make sure to cite my sources!):
"We are all high school students. We are on a large ship. The ship sails around the world. We speak different languages. We come from different cultures. We are all different in many ways, but it is OK. We all have the same passport--love and friendship. We also have the same ticket--English. Together, let's use them and make new friends. Come on! Let's go! All aboard!"
(All Aboard English 1 High School English textbook, Lesson 1, pages 10-11)
And another gem:
"This flower is beautiful. That flower is also beautiful. They don't compete with each other. Each flower grows and blooms beautifully. Each is alive and proud. So why do we compete? We too are flowers. Each is unique. Big flowers. Little flowers. We are all different. You're not No. 1? That's all right. Each of us is only one. So let's grow and bloom."
(Captain English 1 High School textbook, Lesson 1, pages 10-11)
Now, the first one is meh. Incredibly corny, but relatively harmless. The second, however, is painful. It's apparently a translation of a song by SMAP, the popular Japanese boy-band (man-band? All the members are over 30). That brings me to another massive problem with the textbooks. They're amazingly outdated. Many feature inserts with lyrics to songs by the Carpenters (I Need to be in Love, 1976), Olivia Newton-John (Have You Never Been Mellow, 1975), The Beatles (Hey Jude, 1968), and John Lennon (Imagine (1971), which is the defacto national anthem of Japan). I understand that many of these songs are slow and therefore robably easy to understand for ESL students, and I'm not saying that I expect to see Lil' John lyrics (SKEET SKEET SKEET!!!) appearing in the books any time soon, but since they print new books every year (no hardcovers in this education system, everything is paperback because the kids keep the books) can't we at least keep the gap down to LESS THAN 10 YEARS AGO?? I don't think that's much to ask. They also have script samples from movies like Back to the Future (1985), ET (1982) and Titanic (1997). I do applaud them for featuring important figures in history, like MLK Jr and Mother Teresa, but they also constantly have people like Charlie Chaplin. No offense to our old boy Chuck, but come on. They also have some of the most pointlessly ridiculous chapter topics I've ever seen. Like sea otters (no joke). And while I think that learning about kids who were affected by war in Cambodia is important as an anti-war message, I don't think high-school ESL class is the proper vehicle for that. I have a problem with the fact that the students learn the word "land mine" before they learn the present progressive (ex. It is raining.)
Well kids, that's it for today's segment. I hope you enjoyed my ran-- I mean, informational short. As for me, I'm gonna try to not strangle the next textbook vendor that comes into my office. It's not THEIR fault their books are shit.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I've stared at this long and hard. It's not our Wolverine. He's a teenage Wolverine. Hell, I've never ever seen Wolverine as a teenager. He looks appropriately angsty, lanky, and just a little boyish for a Japanese protagonist. As a result, this design isn't bad. It's not as bad as the first design.
Man, this design was just AWFUL. It makes me feel like I could hand Wolverine his ass after making him apologize profusely for accidentally bumping into me.
Well, I hate her already. Seriously, I like Kitty Pryde. After killing her off in the regular comic books, I was looking forward to this. Okay, I wasn't really, but this design just screams like a rip-off of every other gusty, female character in any show. It doesn't feel like the character. Well, it gets worse.Iceman turns emo and Nightcrawler is going to unfreeze his cold heart. Well, that's it. I'm going home. Fuck that.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Now, you are working on Will Eisner's the "Spirit." To those unaware, Will Eisner is pretty much a god in the comic book medium because he helped innovate and redefine comic books. Coming from me, this is no mere statement. Well, the Spirit is his biggest superhero contribution to the comic book medium and is finally going to be adapted. Frank Miller and Will Eisner had a relationship similar to Kubrick and Spielberg which makes this project interesting. Is Frank Miller going to attempt to make his own "Spirit" or Eisner's "Spirit"? Well, the trailer looks good at least. My only concern is that it may too much like Sin City in feel. However, I think Frank Miller must also be aware of this problem so I don't think it should be a huge deal. At least, the visual flair of the picture will be interesting to partake in.
Scarlet Johanson! Yeah, that is not how her name is spelled. Guess what? Cry me a river.
Samuel L. Jackson! You are the "COOL" black guy in films now. However, your streak of bad films is just...bad? After "Jumper" and the "Star Wars" debacle, I hope you made the right decision here...
Now, we got this cool teaser. Honestly, it looks good. However, with no actual footage, I have no idea how this film will turn out. Hopefully, it is enjoyable. So many comic book adaptations these day...who would have thought that Hollywood would finally embrace the comic book medium as a great source for the box office smashing. After "Batman and Robin," studio executives got scared. Here are the comic book films coming out this year off the top of my head:
Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Hellboy II, Wanted, Dark Knight, and Punisher: Warzone.
Alright, that's not as many as I expected. However, these are six films coming out featuring superheroes and super villains. This doesn't include Will Smith's "Hancock" or even all the feature films based upon independent comic books (Ghost World is an example of such a work ). However, compared to the dry spell of yesteryear, this is impressive. Next year, we get Watchmen, Wolverine, Surrogates, and more. It's amazing how liking comic books is becoming more and more acceptable too.
Viva Comic Book Films. Except for Elektra, Ghost Rider, and X-3. Those were turds. Huge turds of injustice.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
An old comic page from Deadpool that I just LOVED. Deadpool is truly one of the best comic book characters ever. He is a self-aware comic book character that breaks down the fourth wall of writing constantly. Imagine Spider-Man's wise cracks, Wolverine's healing factor, and a homicidal maniac.....voila! Deadpool!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Hillary Clinton wasn't really funny.
John Edwards was really funny. I guess with less pressure now, he can relax and play along with gags.
Ah, Barack, you pleased the world when you mentioned that Bears are our worst enemy. BUT, there are plenty of Bear advocates out there too. Hope you didn't split your voting party!
Friday, April 18, 2008
I just wanted to share this picture I happened to catch at Scans Daily. Long time viewers may remember a similar picture a while back when I wrote a rather "disturbing" perspective on the male friendship. Well, I promise you that I will only provide the picture and not add an additional, unnecessary commentary. Here, you are! Courtesy of Scans Daily!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
"In one evening of drinking, Steve Carell lost his motor skills, judgment and inhibitions -- and ultimately threw up in Stephen Colbert's car on the way home."
The Comedy Central Daily Show Database is a GREAT RESOURCE for laughter. When Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert worked together, they were just an unbelievably hilarious duo that were unmatched. They played very well of each other. It's also interesting to see Stephen Colbert in a non-Colbert persona. It is important to keep in mind that this Colbert Report persona is a manifestation of many years of work on the show. Carell is just PERFECT in this skit. Expect more clips from Comedy Central in the future!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
My biggest triumphs include gaining Stephanie as a Japanese Correspondent, uploading original youtube videos, and actually sticking with this "damn blog." I've had fun and you should expect me to keep going. To celebrate, I wanted to show off something dear to me. Conan O'Brien.
This is a highlights video from his twenty-five shows during the Writer's Strike. Needless to say, he was brilliant. It's amazing how funny this man is without material from the writers. I was expecting Conan to go stale, but he was just fresh. He experimented, tried new things, and was just honest. Granted, Conan is hilarious during every show, but seeing him try his best was breathtaking. I mean it. It was "breathtaking." I don't take back words!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Hopefully they'll share Jason's glorious sugary locks with the world."
-Eric Lofgren, "The Nordic Fiend"
"do you SEE what happens when you leave us alone???? NOW do you see??????"
- Samantha Jordan, "Air Jordan"
Thanks to Jon Jordan, we have video footage from the Unwrapped episode! The only part that matters! US! I want to note that the entire Fluff Segment was about 2 minutes (maybe 2.5 minutes minute long). Therefore, it is just so wicked awesome we got this far. Sure, they cut me off at the end. This is what I originally (from my memory?) said in those interviews...
"I don't know if my head is heavy with fluff or with victory..."
"We're going to be back next year!!!!" (sounds bland, but I remember yelling like a wrestler).
Monday, April 14, 2008
Well, we made it into Unwrapped! Last September, I joined masses in Sommerville's Union Square to celebrate Archibald Query's creation, "FLUFF." Apparently, he created this white, messy, sticky substance right around here. Anyway, this was the SECOND annual celebration. I chose to celebrate this event with the oh so class "Fluff Beauty Contest." Based on the above picture, I clearly won the event. Not only did I win, Sam and I were also videotaped and recorded on camera by the crew from Unwrapped. For months, we speculated if we made it or not. As of this point, I still have not seen myself on television. I actually can't download the episodes. However, sources close to me, indicate that Sam and I made the show PLUS I get one line in. THE SUSPENSE!
The episode is called "Old School."During the episode of Unwrapped, they will be traveling back in time to revisit some old school snacks we remember well, like Jello, Funyuns, Dairy Queen and Marshmallow Fluff. Of course, we ONLY care about Marshmallow Fluff for this post.
The times are:
|April 14, 2008 9:30 PM ET/PT|
|April 15, 2008 12:30 AM ET/PT|
|April 18, 2008 11:30 PM ET/PT|
|April 19, 2008 2:30 AM ET/PT|
|April 21, 2008 12:30 PM ET/PT|
If you can find a downloadable copy, let me know!
Fast Forward to the end of the video! You'll see me and Sam!
The author loves using white Pilsbury Doughboy character designs for his normal universe. The character designs work well because the goofy conflicts with the morbid or dark humor of the strip. Note, conflict is GOOD in this case. It just makes the strip funnier.
He is also RIDICULOUSLY excellent at copying the styles of other artists. In this example, he copies the style of Bill Keane, the cartoonist of the Family Circus. As someone who HATES the Family Circus, this strip was just wonderful.
Why are there only two strips featuring these particular robots on this site? WHY?
This is very much a FAR SIDE moment.
The site is called the Perry Bible Fellowship.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
What I love about this strip is the last panel in particular. The way he adjusts his hat after murdering Goofy is just priceless. Stephanie puts it the best:
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Kirby is a member of the Wang canine clan. Anyway, I felt inspired to photoshop this picture. Really, it's only fun to a few people. However, I still felt tickled by the idea of Kirby fighting Kirby. Are you confused yet?
Oh yeah, I loved this panel from Scans Daily. This was hilarious.
Do I even have to comment on this panel? Alright. I'll say one thing. Batman looks GODDAMN embarrassed.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Seriously. NEVER. FUCK. WITH REAGAN. He's even more bad ass than Chuck Norris.
Remember the old posts I put up about penis festivals? Well, there are even more pictures of these festivals! Reuters and Destructoid talk about phalluses being marched down streets of Japan during a festival called the Kanamara Festival. According to Reuters, the Kanamara festival is actually over a hundred years old and was originally done to prevent Japanese women from getting syphilis. That's right. SYPHILIS. The festival is also held to protect people from AIDs. There were approximately 30,000 people at this event to boot. Man, I wish I could go celebrate my name!
This is the wikipedia entry:
"The Kanamara Matsuri is centered around a local penis-venerating shrine, once popular among prostitutes who wished to pray for protection against sexually transmitted diseases. It is said that there are divine protections also in business prosperity and the clan's prosperity, easy delivery, marriage, and married couple harmony, etc. Today, the festival is used to raise money for HIV research. There's also a legend of a demon that hid inside a young girl and castrated two young men on their wedding nights before a blacksmith fashioned an iron phallus that was used to break the demon's teeth, leading to the enshrinement of the item."
Original articles from Destructoid and Reuters.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Though our stance on broccoli is always set to change, the woman can certainly change it. BUT it should never be pushed. There are after all, different schools of thought to broccoli. It is a very sacred bond that ties us to who we are as individuals. Now it may seem like JUST BROCCOLI to you, but it is more than a mere theory.
Broccoli represents a childhood vegetable that we chose to accept or not accept at a young age. It was the staple childhood vegetable that parents would force you to have regardless of your feelings on the matter. Now, some kids choose to start liking them early while others would hide it under their plate. Consider the following, how does one go from disliking a great green vegetable to hungering for it everyday. Well, perhaps not everyday, but I imagine that we open broccoli into our hearts without batting an eye now. WHY? This was not a mere accident,
Note: For the record, this was complete made up on the fly. It actually makes little sense upon inspection and I'm even having a hard time buying into my argument now. However, this is the essence of liberal arts. Everything seems to make sense until you hit a wall. This wall is "wait, that's horseshit!" Correct, reader. CORRECT. Also, I liked having an excuse to put up a picture.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
1) These two male superheroes are sort of acting like jerks as opposed to the common civilian.
2) Fire apparently lost a lot of friends to STDs. For a superheroine, she actually tends to spend a ton of time mixing up with crowds that would get a lot of this stuff. Well, it's interesting to see that tie in...
3) Booster is just looking so serious at the end like he is contemplating a new mission in life. I mean, I guess he is....but he's still Booster Gold. Once again, you may not know his character, so this analysis is meaningless.
Either way, even if you don't know the characters, you should appreciate what DC tried to do. As a result, tons of comic book nerds stay virgins....even to this very day. Oh wait...
Nanaca Crash is a really simple game. However, it is also mildly addictive...
See our lone, effeminate looking male student? Well, he's supposed to be some damn playboy. I don't know anything else about the story (it is in Japanese after all). Either way, we're not playing this game for the plot. Thankfully, the English is there for the parts that matter. See that 1/4 of a circle with the arrow? Well, press down on the left mouse buttom and release at the preferred angle. What happens?
Well, your protagonist gets knocked into the air. The goal is to keep this character in the air. Along the way, he risks flying into targets on the ground. These range from other male students, shy girls that will stop you dead in your tracks, or vicious girls that will knock you higher in the air. Oddly enough, you really want the vicious ones to knock you up (not like that!).
See? You're flying!
Ah! Someone knocks you up!
Awww. You're stopped. Play the game here!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Teppen Toppan Gurren Lagann
I initially avoided this show. Upon reflection on this matter, I have no idea why. Well, I sort of do. I avoided this show because it seemed like too much energy and not enough substance. However, I was wrong. No matter what, this show will always have more energy than substance. Without getting geeky about this show, I think the best way to describe this show is through the theme itself. What's the word of the day? DRILLS. That's right.
The theme of the show is about the human ability to create and use their "own drills." This theme/motif sounds ridiculous which it is. I cannot argue with anyone about this matter. I can't take this series seriously myself at times. However, I cannot remember the last time that an anime show could be so INVOLVING despite being so unbelievably over-the-top. Usually, the over-the-top shows are loved because the shock value. In the same way, horror fans will embrace films like Hostel and Saw despite the fact how terrible the film is because it opened up a new level of gore. We will watch these series, but they don't necessarily stick with us. There are exceptions to this rule (Excel Saga for instance), but it does affect a majority of shows. Even if they stick, they may stick because we just remember how ridiculous the show is.
In this case, Gurren Lagann sticks to my "soul" because it is just ridiculously empowering. It's the kind of show that leaves you smiling and hoping that the protagonist wipes the floor with his enemies. Yes, Virginia, I know that the protagonist is going to win. Yes, the visuals are absurd and the action defies even typical cartoon physics. However, combined with the well-structured story and likable characters, this is easy to love. It's just that everything in the show is meticulously paced and plotted. Like a great story or film, a good pace and plot can keep the audience entranced. At this point, you probably want to know about the plot...I hate writing summaries. I don't want to. God, I hate you (not you! Don't want to burn that bridge).
Alright, people are forced underground by a race called Beastmen. The main character, Simon, is a 14 year old digger who keeps...uh...digging. One day, a giant Beastmen robot comes down and goes shit-crazy on the village. Along with his "aniki" (Kamina), they meet a really hot big-breasted female sniper named Yoko who ends up introducing them to the surface world. These guys end up getting robots and start fighting for the human race. This is just a snippet of the plot. Once again, it sound typical. However, the execution is top notch. In addition, there is a huge scale to everything. The show goes from being underground to going to the ends of space. EPIC. The animation is high quality (except for one specific episode which was just a black anomaly) and the music is like a hip-hop-era (hip hop + opera).
Btw, the above picture has my favorite line in the series. This is high quality s*it. I don't know why I bleeped myself that time. It just felt fitting. It is not for everyone. However, if you like robot shows or just want to have a fun time with a cartoon, you cannot go wrong with this. Easily a B for a casual fan, but an A++ for anyone who like robots and Michael Bay films. Below, is somewhat a spoiler, but it lacks subs and showcases the craziness of the series (and the hip-hop-era music).